9.19.2012

the heartbreaking courage of motherhood


There are great heart-wrenching moments in motherhood.  
Staggering heartbreaking moments of courage.
In the past year, I have traversed across a few open fields of disappointment in the 'hood.
I am not speaking of the crushing disappointment of behavior and disobedience...I am speaking of the heart/love kinda disappointment.
There are these moments when you, yourself , as a mom, are so incredibly disappointed and you have to stand up with courage and pass your disappointment to your children, knowing full well that the outcome will result in greater disappointment and tears.
I know that there are many mothers the world over who deal with disappointment on such a large scale and their hearts on the line each moment.  
peace to you, fellow mama.
I recognize that this not the case for me (today) and this little post is merely my perspective on my day, with my wee bit of disappointment...
simply a record of our moment in time.
As I alluded to in the weekending post, we are "puppy/dog" searching.  
This weekend we met a sweet border collie mix, we went home and discussed and decided she was the dog for us, we were ready to stand up to the heartbreak of last year and open our hearts and lives to a 9 mth old puppy. 
Off I went today to "get in line" to adopt her. ..BUT, the man in front of me adopted her...first come first serve. I waited over an hour as he decided and introduced his other dog and so on. 
With a heavy heart I left the rescue foundation.
I cried.  I was disappointed.  
Logically I know that this is not the only dog and that there are 100's upon 100"s of dogs we could adopt.  If God's eye is on the sparrow then it is certainly on a dog for our family.
BUT, I had to go pick up Jude and Delia from ranch time, knowing they would be so anxious to go adopt the puppy, and I needed to tell them that it wasn't to be.
To break their hearts.  
Knowing I would break their heart and knowing there was no quick fix.
The courage was momentary.  
There were, as I predicted, a great deal of tears and wailing.
We went home with a heavy hearts.
Upon arriving at home we looked at the foundation website again and noticed there were 4-5 "new" dogs posted so, I did what any overly emotional mom would do.
I piled in the kids back in the car and hauled us way out across the hills, a 45min drive, to check out the "new" dogs.
We learned about a few other dogs, met  a coondog mix and then read a text from John that suggested we stop for ice cream after our long, hard, heartbreaking day.
So that is what we did.
Ice cream helps heartbreak...
that is the lesson I taught my children today.
Oh, and that there are more dogs in the world 
and tomorrow is a new day.
This motherhood thing is hard work. 
Sometimes heartbreaking but always full of courage.
***
PS: If you hear of or come across a medium size dog, young preferably, that tolerates cats and kids and that is looking for a "forever home", please let me know.
 


3 comments:

  1. Sure never gets easier.....first it's pet heartbreak swiftly followed by some cute boy or girl they discover in the most unlikely situation and get to know.....be prepared for LOTS of sitting on the end of beds late into the night just listening......remember those days?
    I am confident your forever friend is waiting for your family.....what a blessed pooch he/she will be!
    xo

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  2. Oh my word that is so tough. Ugh.

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  3. you are an amazing, wise, courageous mama. and ice cream heals a multitude of sins (and wounds)

    ps did you watch parenthood this week? they had some dog heartbreak too

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