A heaviness, an uncertainty, a frailty of sorts.
The rumblings of my discontent and deceitfulness of my heart.
The general unidentifiable emotion of of all those things jumbled together.
The big green monster (as illustrated by Delsie below) was rearing its ugly head...
envy, greed, malice...
you name it and probably it was stretching within me.
I stopped for a moment, shed a few tears and reprimanded myself for such pettiness.
I have a perfectly wonderful life...of course, it is not always rosy or a bowl of cherries
but it is my life.
A life of ups and downs; lessons learned and re-learned; trials and temptations; unspeakable joy with a dose of sorrow tossed in here and there.
A life of love and hope.
A remarkable life, if I do say so myself.
I lack for nothing...mostly. What I think I lack are just wants not needs.
What I lack mostly can be attributed to a discontent wandering heart.
Green monster (happy??) as illustrated by Jude, below.
When I stopped for moment, I thought about a couple bible verses, memorized in my youth.
Test me, O Lord,
and try me,
examine my heart and mind.
Psalms 26 v 2
...guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life...
Proverb 4 v 23
And, then, I remember how good it is to be still and reflect so I might not see or hear or feel the doubt, the fear, the envy or the discontent.
And, then, I remember to find gratefulness, peace and joy.
And, then, I remember that mercies are new every morning.